Moonshots are Yesterday’s news. We need to be realistic. Announcing: GalaxyShot-Scale Mission Alpha!

Launching March 15, 2022: Spaceship Earth Crew Members Wanted!

Apply within.

It is the beginning of August, 2021. We have entered the biological century where 52Kb (~size of COVID-19 DNA) of “code” injected into a cells operating system brought the world to its knees last year and promises to continue to attack us well into 2025. Fungal and bacterial infections will do it with ~4mb of code in the next 12 months while we concurrently fight to eliminate the senseless deaths from the virus. If we, as humanity writ large, aren’t extremely careful.

Yet biology is the best solar powered—algae—manufacturing—yeast, algae, plants, animals—recycling, upcycling & resilience-base supply chain the Universe has ever seen. We are the only known living species to ever use our inner Universe & rare capacity for collective, imaginative, cooperation to actually see the Universe itself and notice how vast and lonely it might be.

As the acting chair of the Wonka Court Jester Corps and one who serves at the pleasure of the crew, I humbly submit that I would like to nominate you to join our mission.

If you accept you will be a part of a Top Secret/BlueKraken Security Level briefing as a candidate for the launch team.

Your launch candidate team will be designated—in all official communiques—by the code name 0-Plan(et)B.

As with all endeavors of this nature there are some contractual requirements it would be best for me to me to flag right now. Should you accept the nomination, you’ll received a contract package along with the full description of your rights and responsibilities.

I’d like to flag one key clause. Under Section Thirty-Seven B of the contract it states, “I, the undersigned, shall have a duty to rescue all clients & partners of the Mission and shall hold harmless the Mission from loss of life or limb. Crew member will forfeit all extractive rights, privileges, and licenses herein and herein contained, as well as et cetera, et cetera . . . fax mentis incendium gloria culpum, et cetera, et cetera . . . memo bis punitor delicatum.” Yes when I signed it lo those many years ago I had to grab a Latin dictionary. Now at least we have auto translate. Even without that tho you should be able to decide if you’re willing to accept the nomination to candidate crew members.

Your launch mission objectives as candidates along with the prioritization of these goals/tasks are listed below.

Priority Cocktail Alpha Sasquatch Europa

1 – Save the only 3 Billion Year old evolutionary science R&D effort in this galaxy from collapse. Given life finds a way and humanity isn’t necessary to ensure the only biodiversity system discovered thus far in the known universe will inevitably rebound with or without these oddly creative & imaginatively generalistic Metazoa known commonly as “People” or holistically as “Humanity.”

2 – Your secondary mission will be to endeavor to steward Humanity—writ large—to thread the rapidly subducting crushingly cataclysmic eye of the needle that is the next 10-20 years of the 21st Century’s downward spiraling runaway demise of said oddly cooperative—at their best—beings known as Humanity.

It won’t be easy. You will fall hard, you will find yourself lost in the wilderness facing precessional deamons trying to distract con-fuse & convince you to lose hope and fall into the infinitely bottomless pit of fear & despair.
If you must decline your nomination, do it now.

This is not for the faint of heart, if you can’t commit fully your head, heart, & hands to this awe-some responsibility—if you can’t convince yourself that you’re capable of rising above what R.W. Emerson called “A foolish consistency (that) is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines”—say it this moment.

If you are sure you can commit your entire being to this CABAL. Provide the countersigned BlueKraken code within no more than the next 10 days.
[Note: if you’ve lost your code, it is written in that place you look when you raise your eyes to the Sun, bathe in the loamy pheromones of the forest, and gasp in wonder]

Signed,Yetilopodia your humble court Wonkanaut and servant.

\\[Begin BlueKraken personal countersignature]//
\\[End BlueKraken personal countersignature]//

1 comment

  1. I’ve been looking around, thinking to myself “poorly sorting between trash and a single bin of ‘recyclables’ most of which we don’t, is not going to cut it. If this is all we’ve got, it’s over”… And wishing it wasn’t.
    2028 sounds like a good time to sleep. And I can nap between now and March 2022.
    I’m so in.

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